Kind, True, and Necessary

“When giving feedback to a learner, make sure it is kind, true, and necessary.” 

I first encountered this idea in a faculty development workshop at the Alpert Medical School of Brown University.  My position there was in medical education, and I had the opportunity to work with students, residents, and fellows.  Teaching a complex skill like being a doctor requires giving plenty of feedback.  The learners in this case were very high achievers, with a tendency to be hard on themselves when they didn’t perform perfectly the first time.

Putting these three characteristics into an instruction is not easy, especially in real time facing complex clinical situations.  Kindness should be in everything that we do, but if the wrong words are chosen, it won’t feel kind.  There are different perspectives in most situations, but working with the facts is very important.  Necessary is an idea that trips many people up.  Sometimes the timing is wrong, or the learner has already figured it out.  A good example of feedback that is usually unnecessary is “I told you so.”

I am a cradle Episcopalian and a student of Buddhism. “Kind, true, and necessary” is not just a strategy for teaching.  It is actually the description of something called right speech.  It is part of the instructions for living in the practice of Buddhism, rather like The Ten Commandments.

So it’s ancient wisdom that applies so well to our modern world.  The things that we say can have so much impact, especially when they are always kind, true, and necessary.

Marcia Smith, Ph.D. is a psychologist and has served on the board of the Attleboro Area Interfaith Collaborative since 2018.  She is currently the board secretary.  She lives in Attleboro, and she loves to talk with natives about history.